Since its April Fools Day, I thought I’d have some fun. Perhaps a screaming headline that the major radio groups plan to hire hundreds of on-air talents! How about Wall Street analysts putting out “strong buy” recommendations on the public radio groups? Maybe Mark and Randall Mays will buy back iHeart and rename it Clear Channel.

Even wilder: how about Patrick Mahomes purchasing all the equity in Cumulus (as I’m writing this, CMLS’s equity is around $20 million, Patrick makes far more than that, and perhaps he likes a few of their KC stations)?

You can make up your own that might be funnier than mine. “The Best Value in Town is a Hole in the Ground”

Instead, let’s go with a spoof that really happened. If you’re close to my demo or know your radio history, the tagline might ring a bell. In 1984, broadcasters in Cincinnati got together with a plan to prove the power of radio by running a series of spots, only on radio, for Plummet Mall, a fictitious underground shopping mall. The spots, which ran in January 1985, said the mall would be opening soon (no location was ever given), that the underground environment meant lower energy costs so “the savings will be passed on to you” and of course, the weather is always perfect even before you leave your car!

Jerry Galvin and Jay Gilbert wrote and produced the spots (you can hear some examples on YouTube if you search for Plummet Mall) and the campaign worked. Burke Research, still headquartered in Cincinnati, did a study in February 1985, that found 60% of those asked had heard of Plummet Mall. A typical figure would have been 10%.

Fake commercials have been a staple of morning shows for years. Saturday Night Live has produced thousands in the last half-century. I’m a fan of Firesign Theatre’s fake commercials, for example, Bear Whiz Beer (“It’s in the beer, that’s why it’s yellow”). With the current furor over illegal aliens/undocumented migrants (choose the term you prefer), I remember the PSAs on television in the early to mid-’60s reminding aliens that they had to register with the government each January. Firesign did a spot ordering all aliens to register with the “National Space Administration.”

Could a Plummet Mall-style campaign work today? Something crazy but just plausible enough for listeners to believe it? The Plummet Mall campaign violated FCC rules because the sponsor was not identified, but the Commission didn’t take any action. And don’t run it on April Fools Day, but during the year. I’m certain January was chosen by the Cincinnati broadcasters due to lower spot loads at that time of year.

Let’s think about how a campaign might work. We didn’t have social media or even the internet in the mid-’80s, but it’s safe to say that more misinformation appears today from all sorts of dubious sources. You can fill in the blanks.

Could we pull off a plausible fake campaign compliant with FCC rules and on enough radio stations in a market? Could we even have noncommercial radio take part (“This local portion of All Things Considered is made possible by Plummet Mall”)? What would the product or service be in 2025?

Even if the campaign were run only on radio, it would need a social presence as well. What business of any size doesn’t have a website? What business is not on social media? If we’re “spitballing” here, the online presence could always point back to the radio spots.

Further, if we assume a 2025 version of Plummet Mall could be created, would radio be dealing with lawsuits or would the public think “that was creative and funny”, go about their business, perhaps spend more time with radio or rediscover the medium because many would hear about the campaign through word of mouth.

The one part of which I have no doubt is that the industry has the creative capabilities to pull it off. I had the pleasure a while back of meeting the late Dick Orkin at the Radio Ranch in LA who created some of the funniest radio spots ever made. If there was one “hero” I looked up to in radio, it was him. I’m sure there are some latter-day Dick Orkins out there now, whether at stations or working with agencies.

Instead of letting April Fool’s Day pass with fun jokes and then going back to our day-to-day lives on April 2, which for too many in the industry means collecting unemployment, how about if we consider an updated way to show the power of radio?

Like many other people, I read Pierre Bouvard’s weekly missives on radio’s strength. The material is excellent. Radio still works as an ad medium in 2025, so why is revenue declining? Is it time to do something different by taking a tactic from our medium’s history to strengthen its future?

Let’s meet again next week.

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