Another reason to read this column, I often add an Easter egg. We are in the advertising business. Our main source of income is derived from commercials. There are a lot of bad commercials. Frequently, clients write these ads. You can excuse it if the spots suck. But when the commercials are written by Account Executives or the production department at the station, it is kind of unforgivable.
I am going to share the most meaningless phrases in commercials.
Locally Owned and Operated
Customers do not care. If customers cared about a business being locally owned and operated, Walmart would not exist. People want service, selection, and value. They do not want to get soaked. When you purchase something, are you willing to pay 20% for a local company? If you say yes, you are wrong. People want a deal.
The Phone Number
Doing 70 down the 405, John slammed on the brakes to write down the phone number for an amazing HVAC Company. That is not how it works people. HVAC companies rarely have or should have regular customers.
Normally, your AC is out. You call the HVAC Company that you are familiar with. Radio advertising allows people to have “TOMA”: Top of Mind Awareness. There are stats that show when a company is advertising on your radio station, their website shows an increase in traffic. When you needed a service for your home, you hit Google and choose the company that you’ve heard of. It’s that simple. I actually heard a commercial asking listeners to add a businesses phone number to their contact list. That is a moronic use of advertising real estate.
Street Addresses
“Tequilaberry’s Prime Rib is located at 106 East Governors Drive in Peoria.”
The people listening cannot process that detail. You could say “Tequilaberry’s Prime Rib is on Governors Drive just off 10th in Peoria.” That is almost digestible. That creates a picture of where it is.
Trust me, people interested in prime rib will Google you and load the address in their navigation system. Spend that precious spot time selling the experience of the restaurant.
Always Using the Company Owner/Founder in Commercials
Sometimes, it is amazing when business owners are their spokesperson. They have passion and are natural salespeople. Some business owners are terrible at speaking about their product.
When you have a business owner who is a natural promoter, they can drag listeners into their business. I once worked with a family who owned a couple of hardware stores. They spoke about the benefits of visiting their stores. It was heartfelt and real. They promised that their employees can help solve any problem in your home. If you went to that store and had a simple or complex problem, the employees helped you out.
I once worked with a man who owned a really nice flooring company. For whatever reason, he thought that he was funny. He had spots written by him, his wife, or a kid. The ads were dreadful. They were not funny at all. Account Executives need to talk these clients out of doing commercials like this. Nothing says wacky hijinks like flooring.
Overuse of Numbers
“We have grapes at 99 cents a pound, Chuck steak at $1.99, two-for-one zucchini.”
Trust me, no one driving in city traffic can keep track of that. “The 2025 Chevy Chevette is back with 45-mpg efficiency and amazing 18-inch tires. Prices start at $19,999… The New Chevy Silverado starts at $32,999.”
It gets really confusing fast.
WWW.
Yes, I hear commercials saying check us on the internet at “W-W-W dot business name here dot com.”
WWW is assumed and not needed anymore unless you are running a Commadore-64 with the latest floppy disc technology.
Yellow Pages Ad
“Check out our new ad in the Yellow Pages!”
OMG, no one reads those damn things anymore. Most people born after 1960 just toss those suckers in the trash. There was a time when the Yellow Pages were the largest revenue generator in advertising. Yes, a book of ads. Like Facebook, without your buddy’s political, vacation, or food posts. It was just ads. Zero content.
I had stuffed salmon tonight that I engineered myself. I would make Sydney Sweeney quite the trophy husband. Set us up. Hey, I am single. It was not that long ago that you would hear a radio ad that promoted a coupon in the Sunday paper.
Well, that copy should be deader than a doornail.
Amateur Theater
A husband and wife discussing their lawn and how she heard about Telly’s Lawn Service from her friend Stacy.
Those commercials are obviously contrived and not interesting at all.
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Open every commercial must have an attention-grabbing opener. “Totally Jammed… The floor covered with the guest towels. Fearing the horrific consequences of another flush… I did the right thing. I called ABC Plumbing. Quick service, a great price, and peace of mind.”
The next time that the plunger is failing to get the desired results, the listener of that commercial will identify with the very realist scenario.
We are in the advertising business. Use radio as it was meant.
Peter Thiele is a weekly news/talk radio columnist for Barrett Media, and an experienced news/talk radio programmer. He recently served as program director for WHO/KXNO in Des Moines, IA. Prior to that role he held programming positions in New York City, San Francisco, Little Rock, Greenville, Hunstville, and Joplin. Peter has also worked as a host, account executive and producer in Minneapolis, and San Antonio. He can be found on Twitter at @PeterThiele.
