Have you ever noticed that when we introduce ourselves or engage with someone we just met, we almost always focus first on what we do as a career? “Hi, Bob. So, what do you do?” I find it fascinating that people begin conversations with what we do rather than who we are as a person.
In truth, women don’t do this as much as men. For some, perhaps biological reason, men are more prone to value themselves (and others) by their careers rather than the quality of their character. Women are often better at highlighting (or at least including) things like family, children, or other priorities. Those items outside of their careers that shape who they are and what they find intrinsically important.
To be clear, this is not driven solely by gender. Rather, some women tend to parse out the “what” and the “who” of their personal identity more effectively.
This mindset seems to have existed for generations, with identity and occupation tightly intertwined. For many, a job title isn’t just a description of what they do at work. It’s a measurement of their internal importance.
Think about your own career. As you climb what you believe to be the ladder of success, the title you receive with each new role often becomes more important. We rarely want to accept positions that don’t appear at least on par with the title we most recently held.
This desire to measure our self-worth by occupation is not entirely our fault. From an early age, we are conditioned this way. Think about how often we ask young children “what” they want to do when they grow up.
Wouldn’t a better question focus on the kind of person they want to be?
I am not suggesting that success isn’t important. Rather, I’m questioning whether it should sit at the top of the list of lifetime priorities. Value is often framed around careers, promotions, income, or industry recognition. Over time, the message becomes clear: what we produce determines our worth.
My concern is that while this mindset can be motivating, it can also create a fragile sense of self.
When our identity is primarily based on work, any disruption—such as a layoff, termination, or being passed over for a promotion—can feel like personal failure. A job loss, career change, or even retirement can trigger a genuine identity crisis. If the foundation of someone’s value rests on what they do, then the question becomes unavoidable: “Who am I without it?”
This dynamic is particularly strong in passion-driven industries. Media, broadcasting, entertainment, and creative fields are filled with people who deeply love what they do. However, that same passion can create a divide between profession and personal identity.
Believe me—I get it.
I’m someone who has held virtually every position in broadcasting, including being on air. I understand how much of who we are can become wrapped up in what we do. A radio personality, for example, may not simply see themselves as hosting a show. The microphone becomes a core part of their identity. If or when the show ends, or the industry shifts, it can feel like they’ve lost a piece of themselves.
I suggest we all take a step back so the distinction between doing and being becomes clearer.
What we do is external. Without minimizing its importance, we need to recognize that it’s a role. Roles change. Careers evolve. Industries rise and fall. In reality, the skills we use today may not even exist in the same form twenty years from now.
“Who we are” runs deeper.
Character, family, love, faith, curiosity, creativity, empathy, humor, strength, resilience, and contentment. Traits that don’t disappear when jobs change. In fact, they are often the qualities that make us successful in the first place.
The challenge is that few people celebrate internal qualities as loudly or as visibly as external achievements. Everyone sees a promotion. Paychecks are measurable. Character is quieter, and frankly, people are sometimes criticized for highlighting it.
If we begin defining ourselves by who we are rather than what we do, something powerful can happen. Setbacks become easier to navigate because our identity is no longer tied to a single role or career. Transitions feel less threatening. Retirement becomes a new chapter rather than the end of a story.
Ironically, I’ve learned that separating identity from occupation can also make us better at our work. When we are less emotionally dependent on a title, we take more creative risks. We collaborate more freely, and adapt more quickly.
In the end, what you do is only one expression of who you are. It doesn’t define you. Careers may shape our lives, but they shouldn’t be mistaken for the measure of a life. Your real value rests in the human qualities that existed long before your first job and will endure long after the last one.
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Bob Lawrence writes weekly columns on radio leadership and business. He most recently served as market manager for MacDonald Broadcasting in Saginaw, Michigan. Throughout his career, Bob has held virtually every position in the business over his 40+ year career, from being on-air in Philadelphia, San Diego, and San Francisco to programming legendary stations including KHTR St. Louis, KITS Hot Hits and KIOI (K101) San Francisco to serving as the head of all programming for Saga Communications and working for the Radio Advertising Bureau. Before landing his current role, Bob helped lead Seven Mountains Media’s cluster in Parkersburg, WV/Marietta, OH. He can be reached by email at BGLawrence@me.com.
Bob also honed his research skills over ten years as Senior VP of Operations at Broadcast Architecture, eventually launching his own research company and serving as President/CEO of Pinnacle Media Worldwide for 15 years. Bob spent five years as VP of Programming for Saga Communications before joining New South Radio in Jackson, Mississippi as GM/Market Manager. Prior to joining Seven Mountains Media, Bob served as General Manager for the Radio Advertising Bureau, overseeing its “National Radio Talent System”.
