Every music genre has its share of turkeys. Misfires and meltdowns, those moments we’d like to do over… or celebrate.
Rockternative is the leader in Turkeys because the loud stuff wasn’t built on perfection; it was built on rebellion. And that brings chaos and trouble.
So, as families gather ’round the table for carbs and political arguments, let’s give thanks to some Turkeys that have made RockTernative so great and human.
The Appetizers
Let’s start with some early pioneers that put us in a tryptophan haze. So moments like Rage Against the Machine crashing Wall Street were just another day in Rock.
- Jim Morrison goes full Monty in Miami and gets himself a personal FBI file.
- Keith Moon (supposedly) drove a Rolls Royce into a hotel pool. Whether true or not, it’s one for the ages — I vote “true.”
- “The Riot House” on Sunset was an all-you-can-eat Turkey buffet filled with hallway nudity, sex, drugs, fights, and 9-1-1 calls. Zeppelin, The Who, and even Sydney Sweeney’s favorite band (the Stones) were regulars.
- Aerosmith hiding drugs in scarves, the fighting and womanizing, even their tour van being found abandoned in the woods — all reminders that the music we love isn’t just a genre; it’s a lifestyle.
A Holiday Cocktail
When neon and hair spray became part of Rock culture, some of the juiciest turkey moments of all time followed.
- Nikki Sixx OD’d twice… died twice… and came back twice. That’s why it’s a rite of passage to blast “Kickstart My Heart” whenever you get the chance.
- Axl Rose deserves his own chapter — starting riots, seemingly never sober, having live sex while recording, BBQing steaks on hotel balconies, or maybe just taking 15 years to finish Chinese Democracy.
- Ozzy didn’t just bite the head off a bat on stage — he rehearsed it a year earlier by mouth-decapitating a dove at CBS Records.
- Billy Squier’s “Rock Me Tonite” was like a YouTube deep-fried Turkey explosion video — and it blew his career to smithereens.
- Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson literally started the celebrity sex-tape craze.
- When KISS ditched the makeup, they learned it wasn’t just about the music — and then they had to cover their black eyes with more makeup.
- Remember the PMRC — the “Karens” of the ’80s — thinking every rock star was Satan? They were a whole flock of Turkeys.
The Main Course
RockTernative then moved into a more serious and emotional stage. One might have thought the genre would go full vegan, but Turkey never left the menu.
- Nirvana accidentally killed Hair Metal and half the industry in about five minutes.
- Eddie Vedder forgot that intelligible lyrics are generally preferred.
- Metallica turned on its fans and sued Napster but somehow managed to get even bigger.
- Van Halen hired Gary Cherone — a classic Turkey move.
- Woodstock ’99 taught us that having permits and providing water aren’t optional.
- Putting a naked baby on the cover of an album? History (and some lawsuits) may judge it differently today, but it’s proof that even the dumbest cover can house a brilliant record.
- The Oasis brothers played their version of “Family Feud” and turned it into legendary art and folklore.
- The Red Hot Chili Peppers wore nothing but socks back in the day, which gave them “wardrobe malfunction” bragging rights way before Janet Jackson.
- “Fartman” (aka Howard Stern) crashed into the MTV Awards — with ass out — giving the world and Metallica a moon before handing out a Moonman for Best Hard Rock/Metal Video.
A Little Dessert
And even the turn of the century couldn’t stop the turkeys — and they’ll keep coming.
- Muse’s drone, the “dildrone,” malfunctioned and crashed into the crowd at a London show. Of course it did.
- In the least punk-rock move ever, Green Day turned a concept album into a Broadway musical. It won two Tonys but deserves a full plate of Turkey.
- Every year the Grammys should award itself Biggest Turkey for its definitions of what Rock and Alternative are.
- At a concert in the country of Georgia, The Killers brought a Russian fan onstage with them to play drums. Turns out that’s like having Trump playing drums at a Biden show.
- Incubus frontman Brandon Boyd was arrested at LaGuardia Airport after trying to board a flight with a switchblade.
- Dave Grohl falls off stage in Sweden and breaks his leg — total Turkey move. But of course, he gets quick treatment and comes back to finish the show. That’s why he’s always invited to Thanksgiving dinner.
- And the Turkey that will never be topped — Decca Records passed on The Beatles.
Making Holiday Memories
Before nap time, a personal favorite Turkey moment: it was a snowy Thanksgiving Day and the DJ put on the 18-minute version of “Alice’s Restaurant” (a station tradition) and stepped outside to get high — not realizing he’d left his keys inside. Locked out. No one else around. Dead air until the fire department let him in. May he rest in peace.
Until next year — say no to cranberry, yes to Rock.
Happy Thanksgiving.
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Keith Cunningham is a music industry and Rock/Alternative columnist for Barrett Media and the founder of Black Box Group, a modern-modeled creative & strategic consultancy built for brands that need strategies with teeth. He’s the former Master of Mayhem at 95.5 KLOS-FM in Los Angeles for over a decade, a nationwide consultant, and has been repeatedly voted one of America’s top Program Directors and strategic thinkers. Keith has built his career by taking multi-million-dollar brands from worst to first and leading Marconi & Gracie award winners along the way. A data nerd with a rock-and-roll heart, he is an advisory council member for St. Jude fundraising, a fantasy football champion, and lover of his daughters & dogs. Reach him at keithblackboxgroup@gmail.com or on LinkedIn or X.
